Klondike Bars
by FearIsButFearItself
Summary: Lavi and Kanda decide to take over the world with Klondike Bars, R&R! Very OOC, Lavi/Kanda AllenxLenalee


Fibfi-Chan: Okay, before the story starts I just wanna get a few things strait, SO say it Blank!

Blank: Okay well lets get this started.

1. There are a few pairings in this, AllenxLenalee and Lavi/Kanda.

2. Everyone is VERRY OOC, and Fibfi-Chan wasn't really trying at all with this story.

3. Fibfi-Chan's on a crappy, slow laptop, so any typos should REALLY just be overlooked.

Fibfi-Chan: And Deke, do the Disclaimer!

Deke: Fibfi-Chan doesn't, and will NEVER own D. Gray-Man. If she did, there'd be a LOT of yaoi and a pretty crappy plot, with REALLY crappy drawing.

Fibfi-Chan: Thank you Deke and Blank. Now, ON WITH THE STORY~!

=thoughts=

(unsaid thoughts)

-actions-

"speaking"

What Would You DoHoOhOo, For, A Klondike Bar?

-IN THE LIBRARY—

Lavi sat in the library, looking innocent as a small child, as he did his work. Or that's what it looked like at least. He was REALLY plotting his next evil scheme to annoy everyone in headquarters, and to do THAT, he needed a plan…that included Klondike Bars.

-IN THE CAFFITERIA—

It was a peaceful day for young Allen Walker, so far anyway. He slightly suspected something was off when he noticed that Lavi wasn't at breakfast. Now, everyone, in the Black Order, yes EVERYONE, knew that the playful (and sometimes evil) rabbit boy LOVED his breakfast more than ANYTHING in the world! Sooooo, why wasn't he here? Everything was even MORE suspicious when he didn't show up for lunch, and when he didn't show up for dinner, everyone KNEW something was wrong…but…what was it…?

-IN KOMUI'S OFFICE—

"LENALEEEEEE! WHERES MY COFFEEEEE?" =Why hasn't my precious Lenalee brought me my coffee yet? GASP! WHAT IF SOME OCTOPUS GOT TO HER AND RUINED HER PURITY? NO! I WONT LET THEM GET AWAY WITH IT! NEVER!= "KOMURIN, FIND THE OCTOPUS THE DEFILED MY INNOCENT LITTLE LENALEE AND DESTROY HIM!"

"Yes Master Komui, I shall find the culprit and bring them to justice!"

Queuing Komui's dumb-founded look now.

"-sigh- That means I'll find the octopus and kill them for ruining your Lenalee."

"ALRIGHT THEN, DON'T JUST STAND THERE, GOOOOO!"

"…yes master…"But before anything else could happen, Lavi skipped in there, and stopped in front of the dynamic duo, looking as innocent as humanly, or animaly possible.

"Komui, can I ask you a question?" Que the puppy dog eyes.

=Well, the request seems innocent enough, but it must be asked later! Right now I must save Lenalee from the evil octopus! But…he looks so innocent…and, OH GOD NOT THE PUPPY DOG EYES! I cant deny his request now, I'd feel bad…= "Alright Lavi, what is it?" =I'm scared…but he looks so innocent!=

A grin. "What would you DoHoOhOo, for, a Klondike Bar?"

A blink. And another one. "A Klondike Bar…what's that?"

"GASP! You don't know? Well, this here is a Klondike Bar!" Now Lavi holds up a Klondike Bar, half way unwrapped, and a little melty, not to much though, just the perfect amount. "Nice, cold vanilla ice-cream, delicly covered in nice, perfect, dark brown, chocolate, mmmm."

By this point, Komui was drooling, had wide eyes, and REALLY wanted to eat the Klondike Bar. "I-It looks SOOOO good~! Let me have it! PLEASE~!"

"First ya have ta answer my question!"

"Question? What question?"

"-sigh- I already said it, and I don't like repeating myself, but I will anyway. What would you DoHoOhOo, for, a Klondike Bar?"

"Hmm…OH, I KNOW! I'd let Lenalee lose her purity to Allen! Is that a good answer?"

"Of course!" =This'll be fun, hahahah= "Now, if ya want it, your gonna have ta do that!"

"GASP! WHAT? NO!"

"Then YOU don't get a Klondike Bar."

"BUT I WANT IT!"

"Then ya gotta let Lenalee lose her purity ta Allen."

"BUT-"

"NO BUTS. IF YA WANT IT, THAT'S WHAT YA GOTTA DO. AND~ ya gotta convince them both do it!"

"…alright, you win. If its for the Klondike Bar, I'll do ANYTHING."

-INA RANDOM HALLWAY-

=YAY! Someone said they spotted Lavi walking down some random hallway! We're all SAFE~!

But…wait…why's Komui running towards me like that…as if he was going to get a Klondike Bar if he got me to do something…WAIT. IS HE GONNA…NOOO! IM NOT LOSING MY PURITY TO HIM! NOOOOOOO!=

"Allen, I need you to do me a favor."

"O-of course Komui, as long as it doesn't have anything to do with me having sex with you. "

"HAHAHAH! Why would I want anything like that? No, what I want from you doesn't have ANYTHING-WHAT-SO-EVER TO DO WITH ME. Just so you know though, if you don't do this, I'll kill you. Slowly. And painfully. Cause there's a Klondike Bar on the line!"

=How did I know?= "…okay then…what do I have ta do?" =Please nothing to do with sex, please nothing to do with sex, please nothing to do wi-=

"It has to do with sex."

=Crap. Nice job being blunt Komui. Nice job.="Uhh…what…ABOUT, sex?"

"You know my sweet, innocent Lenalee, right?"

=Crap…AGAIN.= "Yeahh…what ABOUT Lenalee?"

"I want you to have sex with her. If you don't, I'll freakin kill you."

=Gulp…crap…for the third time today.=

-IN A RANDOM HALLWAY-

=Wow…Nii-san's been quiet lately…and he's doing his work! Its been a whole three days since he threatened someone that was supposedly flirting with me! I'm so proud! Oh, look, there he is now! Wait…is he dragging Allen…= -sweatdrop- "Nii-san, what did Allen do THIS time?"

"It's not what he DID, it's what he's GOING to do."

"H-huh?"

"If you don't agree with this request, I'll kill you BOTH."

"N-NII-SAN?"

"You and Allen MUST have sex. THERE'S A KLONDIKE BAR ON THE LINE!"

"Uhh…"

"You MUST do this, so I can get it! It means the WORLD to me! SO DO IT!"

-ONE HOUR LATER IN ALLEN'S ROOM—

"That was…wow…"

"…I cant belive I just did that…with Lenalee…"

"What's wrong Allen? You don't look to well…"

"I just had sex with you…how am I SUPPOSED to look?"

"…I don't know…happy I guess?"

"Happy? Im freakin sore EVERYWHERE! IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES! I CANT BE HAPPY LIKE THIS!"

"No, not happy that we had sex, happy that your alive!"

"Yeah, I guess I AM happy about that…hahah…we never talk about this again, deal?"

"Deal."

-IN KOMUI'S OFFICE—

"Well…I got them to do it…can I get the Klondike Bar now?"

"Did you bring me proof?"

"Yes, I did" -Gets on one knee, bows head, and holds out the proof (which is a recording of the sex) to Lavi…who is currently sitting at Komui's desk, with his feet propped up, drinking a soda.-

"Hmm…I guess you can have it now." –Takes video, and tosses the Klondike Bar to Komui, (who greedily eats it) gets off the desk, and walks out of the office, but not without stopping and saying-

"I'll be back later with a new task for you."

"Yes, Master Lavi, I'll be waiting."

-IN A RANDOM HALLWAY—

"REEVER! HEY I GOTTA ASK YA SOMTHIN!"

"Lavi? Sure, what is it?"

-Lavi now holds up a Klondike Bar and asks- "Do ya know what this is?"

"Chocolate?"

"Noooo~ it's a Klondike Bar! A beautiful block of vanilla ice-cream, perfectly covered in a soft sheet of chocolate…doesn't it look good~?"

-Reever is now drooling, staring googly eyed at the Klondike Bar as if it was the Heart Innocence, that would allow them to win the war – "I want it…"

"You can have it…but ya need ta do somthin for me."

"What do I need to do?"

"It's simple really, ya just need ta go get Yu-Chan, and bring 'em back here, ta me."

"Kanda? W-why do you want him?"

"Don't question your Master. Just go get him. Then ya can have the Klondike Bar."

"Y-yes sir! I'll be back shortly with him."

"You better if ya want this." –Waves Klondike Bar in front of Reevers face-

"Now go."

"Yes sir!"

-IN KANDA'S ROOM—

=Huh…wonder where Lavi is…he said he was going to see me once he got back from his mission…is he in the infirmary? The cafeteria? The science lab? Or…what if he's not even back yet?= -knock knock- "Kanda, it's me, Reever, Lavi wanted me to get you and bring you back to him…are you there?"

-Kanda opens the door, and steps out- "Alright, whatever, just take me to him, I guess…"

=D-did Kanda just WILLINGLY agree to let me take him to Lavi? Is he drunk or something?= "Uhm…alright…follow me…"

-IN THE RANDOM HALLWAY LAVI'S IN—

"MASTER LAVI! I've brought him, now may I have my reward?"

"Hmm…alright…" –Tosses Klondike Bar to Reever- "Now get out of my sight, and I'll think about giving you another mission later."

"Yes sir, Master Lavi."

Once Reever's footsteps are no longer heard, Lavi turns to Kanda, and grins.

"Heyya Yu. I've missed ya!"

"Lavi…I'm glad your finally back…you were gone for the longest time…but what's with Reever calling you 'Master' and 'Sir'?"

Lavi pulled Kanda close and said, "I'm paying him and Komui in Klondike Bars if they do whatever I want, and I already have their sworn loyalty, soooo, I've got the perfect opportunity ta cause havoc in the whole Black Order HQ! You and me will rule this place together! AND~ it's the best opportunity ta revel our relationship, to them ALL!"

Lavi pulled Kanda into a deep kiss for a few seconds, pulled away and grinned. "I have ta say, I forgot how good it felt ta kiss ya! Now, lets go and get some more people working under our authority!"

"Alright…should be fun…and it'll make you happy…"

"Aww, Yu! You're so nice! Time to set the plan into action!"

-IN THE CAFITERIA TWO HOURSLATER—

Everyone was all happy and eating, when Komui and Reever walked in, with two HUGE boxes. "EVERYONE, THIS IS KOMUI SPEAKING, AND UNLESS YOU WANT TO BE KILLED, IM NOT SAYING BY WHO, YOU ALL MUST PUT THESE ON." And with that Komui opened the boxes and revealed bright pink and sparkly tutu's of every size. "Komui…you already made Lenalee and me," –everyone gave the pair expectant and surprised looks at that- "do something I'm not saying," –at this lots of people started whooping and cooing- "but I'm NOT doing this!"

-TWENTY MINUTES LATER—

"I can't belive I did this…"

"Aww, come on Allen, it's not as bad as what he made us do earlier. Really, its not THAT bad!"

"Lenalee…you don't understand…it's…PINK. And SPARKLY. And I'm a GUY. I don't wear stuff like this!"

"But you are now! And ALL the guys are wearing this! So are all the girls!"

"Hey, Lena, Al, what's up?"

"Hey Lavi…why aren't you wearing the pink and glittery tutu's like the rest of us?"

"Well, why should he?"

"Kanda? Why aren't you wearing one either? Everyone else has to, so why aren't you? What's going on?"

"Well Lena~ me and Yu-Chan don't have ta cause it was OUR idea ta do this!"

"WHAT?"

"Haha, you two just said that in unison! Haha…"

"…Kanda…did you just laugh…"

"I knew BaKanda was losing it…"

"Allen…DON'T EVER call my Yu-Chan names, unless you want your life to be a living HELL." -Lavi glared at Allen as he pulled Kanda up against his chest and kissed him, all the while, Lenalee and Allen are having the shock of their lives- "LAVI? WHY'D YOU KISS KANDA?"

"YEAH AND WHY'D YOU CALL HIM YOURS AND THREATEN ME?"

"Put the facts together. He's mine, if you're mean to him, I'll kill you. We're going out, in fact, we've BEEN going out for the past two years. Why else would I call him mine, pull him close, and kiss him?"-Lavi wrapped his arms around Kanda's waist, pulled him even closer, and kissed his forehead and grinned at Lenalee and Allen's shocked looks- "I TOLD you, he's MINE. I'm not letting ANYONE except me touch him, so Allen, stay away from him."

"Why would I even WANT to go near him?" –at Lavi's evil glare he said- "I mean, I don't like him like that, no no no, not at all."

"Are you saying he's not good enough for you?"

"NO! I mean, he's good enough for me, why wouldn't he be?"

"So your going to steal him away?"

"WHAT? NO! NO NO NO! I'd NEVER do that! EVER!"

"Alright then, I belive you…so, how'd you two enjoy the sex?"

-Allen and Lenalee froze, paled, and started stuttering out random things-

"W-w-what? H-how d-do you kn-know about th-that?"

"Well, that was cause of us too. I bribed Komui with a Klondike Bar, and it got him ta do it." –Lavi chuckled slightly as Kanda stuck his tongue out at Lenalee and Allen-

"Duh, He and Reever both said that they'd do ANYTHING as long they get Klondike Bars."

-ONE WEEK LATER—

It was so much different than the Black Order used to be. Now, all of it was taken over by Lavi and Kanda and their Klondike Bars. They were already plotting world domination. It was going well. They already had most of the world under their control, and even the Millinium Earl agreed to stop the war, as long as they get 1000 Klondike Bars every week. So, the world was happy, the war was over, and Lavi and Kanda ruled most of the world. And that's how it ended.

Fibfi-Chan: Wow…O.O didn't know it'd turn out so crappy…oh well…it was entertaining to write…

Lavi: YAY! I GOT TA KISS YU-CHAN! 3

Fibfi-Chan: …Lavi…it's not THAT great…I had you kiss him in one of my other stories…

Lavi: Yeah but it's still great!

Deke: Wow…didn't know ya loved Kanda like that Lavi. WOW.

Lavi: GASP! DEKE! MY 48 ALIAS! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

Deke: No, I'm not THAT Deke, I'm Fibfi-Chan's friend, I like to be called Deke. It's a nice name.

Blank: It's not THAT good of a name Deke…I personally like Blank better…

Deke: Well I'm copying something awesome like D. Gray-Man not LAME like Final Fantasy 9.

Blank: HEY! I like that game…it's not lame…

Fibfi-Chan: …Yeahh…hope you liked it…REVIEW OR COOKIE MONSTER SHALL EAT YOU!


End file.
